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2/6/2019

Emotional Blackmail In A Relationship

Many relationships function on a level that isn't healthy for either partner, yet each person seems willing to hold onto the relationship at all costs. Their love for each other and desire to remain in the relationship is stronger than the problems they're going through.

This can be most often seen in cases of emotional blackmail. This is where one person behaves inappropriately within the relationship and then blames the other for the behavior. The partner receiving all the blame instantly feels guilty and inadequate and wants to try harder to please.

An example of this kind of behavior could be when a man goes out to pick up a one-night-stand and is caught red-handed. Instead of apologizing to his partner and begging for forgiveness, he'll immediately blame his partner for not being there for him and so he had to look elsewhere.

This makes the woman feel as though she's not good enough, or not doing something right, and she tries to make amends by being a better partner, all the time watching her self-esteem drop lower and lower as she believes she's not good enough to please her man.

11/6/2017

10 Tip on How to Create Intimacy After Baby's Arrival

Your physical relationship may have been hot and steamy before marriage, but now “life” has set in. You have gotten married, the baby is here and you feel as though your life is in a rut. You may be at home with baby all day and the last thing you really want is a grown man crawling all over you. He has dropped hint that you don’t seem the same and that he wants more alone time with you. You want the same thing too. You want the intimacy back that you and your mate once shared, but how do you get that back? You are tired at the end of the day, feeling as if you have given all you have to give, but in essence you just need a change in mindset.
Here are 10 easy changes you and your mate can start doing today to bring the spice back into your life together.

What you did to get each other, needs to happen to keep each other.
- Look, fact is that people do so much to get a mate. When they do, often times one of the two expresses how much the other has changes. Yep, sometimes your mate may get downright lazy or complacent. You both need to remember, that your relationship is a choice. Even though the relationship dynamic changes with baby's arrive, the thoughtfulness and kindness shouldn’t.
Stop making intimacy a production number.
- Your love is about a gaze, a touch; the simple things that you do for each other. Meet him at the door when he comes home and take his coat off of him. Give him a hand or foot massage. Walk in the door ready to help with or cook dinner, or be ready to play with the baby or pick up the house and give her at least 30 minutes of time just for her. I remember the rush I got when my husband took out the trash without me mentioning it. These thoughtful acts will go a long way in making your mate feel loved and appreciated. Remember, as a man you may feel that going out to work is enough for your day, but being a mom is usually a 24/7 job. Sometimes her lack of sex drive is her feeling like she is always working. If a “quickie” is as good as it gets, don’t be greedy. Remember morning sex can be a good way to start a day.

5/14/2016

the best job in the world!

I have the best job. No really, I have created a rewarding career that allows me to be authentic while helping others. I’m an Intimacy Empowerment Coach which as I define it, allows me to guide adults to define their NO to get to their YES, and that’s a wonderful thing. This is where freedom and peace of mind, body and spirit all hang out cohesively together.
Although, to go back to where it all began, I go to my becoming a Health and Wellness Coach and more important than the title is the R & D… you know, the research and development. By using integrative methodology, I again get to learn about, explore, correct and develop the mind, the body and the spirit and again, it’s A WONDERFUL THING. The human genome is an interdependent system to every other living thing on the planet. This means that I am like the 6 degrees of separation to my client’s issues as they are to the person next to them and so on and so forth. Yet, it is like being charged to hold the secrets, stories and lives of people within my being like attorney client privilege. To be one’s Confidant is a high charge for which I hold protected space.

11/15/2015

hemp oil, a natural skin lubricant

If your skin is in need of some revitalization, hemp oil is a definite “must try.” There are many benefits your skin will experience when you use hemp oil (which is extracted from the hemp plant). It is a natural oil and is quickly becoming a popular skin remedy, and there is no surprise why.
Benefits and Qualities of Hemp Oi:
Hemp oil has many amazing qualities that have helped propel it to the top of today’s skin-care regimes. Whether applied externally on the skin, or taken internally for long-term skin health, there is something for everyone with hemp oil. Hemp seeds give the highest quality oil, although oil can be extracted from the entire hemp plant. Hemp seeds contain 75-80% polyunsaturated fatty acids, with 9-11% saturated fatty acids. This is an extremely desirable ratio, as polyunsaturated fatty acids are the kind which we require, and are often found lacking in our modern diets.
Remedy for Dry Skin:
Hemp oil is greatly lubricating, and this is why it is a top skin moisturizer. Simply rub the hemp oil into dry, cracked skin for immediate relief. Do not keep your bottle of hemp oil in the bathroom, however, as it goes rancid quickly. Store it in a dark, cool place such as a refrigerator. Added to Skin Creams Although hemp oil can be used alone, it is a great addition to creams, lotions and other skin moisturizers. You can buy it already in the remedies, or add it to your favorite lotion. Simply squeeze the amount of hemp oil you desire into the other bottle, shake, and use normally.
Your Daily Dose of Hemp Oil:
Hemp oil is an oil which can be consumed. Hemp oil has a slightly nutty flavor and can be used when cooking with low heat. It is also a great addition to salad dressings, pesto, and hummus. In addition, it adds delicious depth to soups. Just be sure to add it to the soup after cooking is done, unless you are cooking the soup on a low temperature. Some of the vitamins in hemp oil include vitamins A, C, E and beta-carotene. It also contains calcium, magnesium, phosphorus, potassium and sulfur. And as mentioned above, its large amounts of polyunsaturated fatty acids make it a source of healthy fats for your skin, brain and entire body.
Benefits to Skin:
Your skin will thank you for putting hemp oil on your plate, and into your beauty routine. It is anti-inflammatory, which helps combat the devastation that inflammation can have on your skin’s appearance. Hemp oil reduces skin’s red appearance, assisting in giving you a moderate, healthy glow. Hemp oil doesn’t clog pores, unlike some other oils. It actually helps unclog them. It protects softness and elasticity in the skin, as well as protecting the skin’s water barrier. If you have eczema or psoriasis, hemp oil may be the answer you need to clear up these troublesome issues.
Hemp oil is not a fad that will come and go. It is an oil with many benefits that promises to have lasting success. If you are looking for a boost for the health of your skin, look no further than hemp oil.

10/5/2015

how aromatherapy is used to help treat certain conditions

Aromatherapy is a way to treat medical conditions in a natural and holistic way without introducing chemicals and drugs into the body. It involves using essential oils and aromatic essences of plants via the air to treat a person’s symptoms. When a person senses or smells certain things it evokes a specific reaction from excitement to relaxation, depending on the scent. The idea of aromatherapy was first thought of by a French perfumer and chemist named René-Maurice Gattefossé who wrote a book about it called “Gattefossé’s Aromatherapy,” in which he discusses the clinical findings about using smells to treat medical conditions in a natural and non-invasive way. Research has shown the effectiveness of aromatherapy for many conditions, even new hair growth. Other than the potential for allergic reactions in some individuals, using aromatherapy has been shown to be both effective and safe. Be aware of some types of aromatherapy that involve putting oils directly on the skin, as this might be more likely to cause bad reactions due to the strong oils. Real aromatherapy involves using the smells in the air and not directly on the skin. Different aromas are purported to treat different conditions:
* Sweet Basil – A sweet, spicy floral smell that is used to help treat fatigue and make you feel more energetic. If you’re often tired in the morning, try using a sweet basil-infused shampoo or soap.
* White Camphor – A smell that is often used in disinfectants due to the fresh odor can be used as a refreshing smell to help bring clear thoughts.
* Red Cedarwood – The smell is woody and warm which can help a person calm down and feel stronger. This is often used to treat anxiety and fear.
* Wild Chamomile – A very fresh, balsamic, sweet fragrance that makes a person feel calm and can help treat insomnia.
* Cinnamon – Everyone is familiar with the smell of cinnamon, but did you know that it can help wake you up and make you feel more invigorated also known to assist in healty blood sugar levels?
* Eucalyptus – This aroma is often used to treat common cold sinus symptoms and also freshen the air. The smell is unique and recognizable immediately.
* Ginger – One of the most spicy and woody odors that you can use to help warm your body and treat sinus headache. You can use ginger in a tea and actual ingest in small amounts.
* Lavender – Often used to calm anxiety and make people feel more relaxed. You’ll see this scent used a lot in night-time bath, lotion, and baby preparations.
* Lemon – If you are tired a lot and depressed, try using lemon oil to brighten up your day.
* Peppermint – This scent can be used to wake you up and give you more energy.
* Rosemary – This scent is strong and fresh and often thought to improve memory.
* Ylang Ylang - From flowers of the Cananga tree, this smells a lot like jasmine, and is often used to treat sexual dysfunction.
The aromas you use will depend on the issue you want to treat. The best way to be sure if you’re using the right combinations is to seek out a certified aroma therapy specialist who has been trained to provide the right guidance.

9/25/2015

from relationship overload to recovery

When relationships begin, they're fun and exciting. You spend time together doing fun things and when your partner goes home or heads off to work, you get to spend some time on your own reflecting about how much fun you've had. You look forward to seeing each other again with a sense of anticipation and excitement.

All healthy relationships go through periods of highs and lows. When things are running high, everyone's happy. But when things are at a low point, one or both partners may begin to doubt their feelings.

You might start thinking this person might not be right for you because the feelings just aren't there today. Perhaps your partner seems distant and preoccupied and isn't showing the same level of interest in you today as in previous days.

Burn out can happen simply because you're both trying to sustain the high-intensity emotions for far too long. It could also mean you're spending all your time in each other's company with no chance to unwind and enjoy that sense of anticipation until you see each other again.

Many people are guilty of this early in a relationship. I call this The Newness. They forget to socialize with other friends. They give up their usual hobbies and interests so they can spend more time with their new-found love. While it's fun at first, it can also lead to feeling unfulfilled in other areas of your life.

Just because you're in a relationship, it's unrealistic to expect every other area of your life to stop. You also can't expect your partner to give up friends, hobbies or interests he or she had before they met you, unless they're detrimental to the relationship.

RECOVERY

Nobody can feel ecstatically blissful 100% of the time, 24/7. It's exhausting and what I call, The Newness Wearing Off. So when those lulls or low-patches happen, don't take it personally. They're often a sign that you may need to spend some time doing something fun for yourself and re-energize that independent streak within you.

Not only will it give you and your partner time to miss each other, but you'll both be doing something you enjoy, which gives you something fun to talk about when you do see each other again.

Trying to beg your partner for an answer about why he or she is being distant today is likely to push them further away instead of bringing them closer. Everyone needs a little time alone to recharge and think, so allow your partner the courtesy of a little time when they need it. This will also give you time to get back in touch with yourself.

3/22/2014

THE POWER OF TOUCH

Having the weekend to myself, I spent the day relaxing with a friend, while watching Netflix and studying my health coaching program. Yes, relaxation is good in and of itself and some would consider it a non activity, but when done in close contact to another person, there are profound chemical responses.
Your skin is your body's largest organ, and when its sensory receptors are stimulated, the hormone Oxytocin, the one that makes you feel good is released. At the same time, Cortisol, the stress hormone also involved with weight, glucose regulation and the regulation of blood pressure, is reduced. The power of touch also improves your immune system, and deepen your connection to another person even more so than sex.
So I recommend you make time, hours even to connect with another person through the power of even simple touch. Also, consider the next time you shake the hand of a child or old person that lives alone; hold their hand with both your hands as long as they are comfortable. Even though you will not see the effects of this connect, it is important and very present.

2/6/2014

a conversation about depression:part 2

To begin where I left off, my doctor prescribed an antidepressant. I told my mother about it as I was alarmed by the list of possible effects of the medication. Here is a copy and paste from online. Get emergency medical help if you have any of these signs of an allergic reaction: skin rash or hives; difficulty breathing; swelling of your face, lips, tongue, or throat.

Report any new or worsening symptoms to your doctor, such as: mood or behavior changes, anxiety, panic attacks, trouble sleeping, or if you feel impulsive, irritable, agitated, hostile, aggressive, restless, hyperactive (mentally or physically), more depressed, or have thoughts about suicide or hurting yourself.

Call your doctor at once if you have:

seizure (convulsions);
very stiff (rigid) muscles, high fever, sweating, confusion, fast or uneven heartbeats, tremors, feeling like you might pass out;
agitation, hallucinations, fever, fast heart rate, overactive reflexes, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, loss of coordination;
headache, slurred speech, severe weakness, muscle cramps, feeling unsteady, fainting, shallow breathing (breathing may stop);
cough, chest tightness, trouble breathing; or
easy bruising.
Common side effects may include:

drowsiness, dizziness, weakness, feeling nervous;
increased sweating;
blurred vision;
dry mouth;
changes in appetite or weight;
mild nausea, constipation; or
decreased sex drive, impotence, or difficulty having an orgasm.
This is not a complete list of side effects and others may occur.
As I read all of this, I was wondering if my depression was this bad, if it was worth it to take the pills in hopes to improve one condition to perhaps gain all of these, or was there some other answer to the situation. So after a few days to a week, I noticed I was having mood swings. Lets just face it, I WAS BITCHY. I was aggravated by just about everything and everybody. During the second week, I really had a handle on the way the pills were making me feel, so I thought. No, I was not dealing with the majority of things from the long list above, but I was not liking the results of the way the pills were making me feel. The camel back straw occurred one evening while talking to my son. I said something, and it was not a mean thing that was said, but the way in which I said it. I heard it come out of my month and in that instance, I knew I could not take back what was already in the Universe and his ears. He said to me, with a plain and calm face and tone, " You know mom, you have not been speaking to me very nicely lately". Out of the mouth of a babe. He was RIGHT! I knew it too. I apologized, making no excuses and told him that I promised to do better. That was the last pill I took for depression.
In that moment of speaking to my son, I realized that I had a choice in how I let my situation affect me. I HAD A CHOICE TO NOT SUFFER ANY LONGER. Perhaps you have heard my favorite Zen quote. It says that, "Suffering is the desire to have something a way it is not going to be". Now I knew this. I had put it into practice on several occasions and had lived present and mindful in that space. That quote has seen me through a lot of tough situations of the past. Yet, for this situation I had sit in another space that allowed me to be sad, mad, hurt, pissed off, angry and even a victim. I had gotten comfortable in that space as it had become uncomfortably familiar. So, it was simple to do nothing about it. At this point, being fully aware, I could not sit there any more.
I began to examine my situation and acknowledge that there had to have been some reason to remain in that space as long as I had. I asked myself, what was my payoff? See we as humans, don't generally do thing for nothing at all. Generally, there is some sort of payoff. I had a light bulb moment that made me aware that as much as had done to me, it was my actions or lack there of for so long that allowed these things to take place. See I either did to much which allowed the other party to not step up or step in, or I did nothing which covertly gave permission for the other party's bad behavior. I was not a victim, but a co-conspirator to the crimes of the relationship. The only difference, was that when I was done, I was done and I moved swiftly to end things.
So now I realized that suffering had been a choice, I had a payoff for doing so, I was not a victim, but sadly enough, I was partly to blame. All and all, I was at the end of the tunnel and the light was hitting me in the face. I moved past my suffering and into my bliss.
It was just that simple for me. As I had a choice to make, we all have choices to make, paths to walk and bridges to cross, roads to travel ... you get my point. You control how you live your life.
NOTE: This is not your situation. By no means I am telling you what to do in your situation. This is what worked for me and perhaps somethings you can explore. To be or not to be medicated is an individual choice.

1/13/2014

A cONVERSATION ABOUT DEPRESSION: Part 1

DEPRESSION: WHAT IS THE PAY OFF?
The other evening, I had a conversation with a male friend about depression. It was interesting to hear a male's prospective from a personal point of view. I told him that I am not totally sold on the idea of depression as a real medical diagnoses barring a hormonal or chemical imbalance.
Last year, my Internist stated that she believed I had been "clinically" depressed since I had begun seeing her, three years prior. I confirmed that perhaps she was correct. She ask would I be willing to finally be pharmaceutical treated. As I was going through a tumultuous divorce, I agreed and she sent off the prescription. I began taking the pills once a day, until....
More to come soon. Follow this story of my real life event as I dissect and investigate beliefs regarding depression and how what I did may help you or someone you know.

12/11/2013

Why Zenful Life Lovin?

One last time. As I always say, sometimes the right things show up at the right time. This word "surrender" was just that for me. I was struggling as to where to take my brand, Zenful Life Living. I have this site, I have my ministry and yes, I have my site of adult toys too. I expanded my adult site and began marketing it more. As I thought I would, I got the crazy looks and stares. Zen living, ministry and adult toys, however can that go together? Or , "I thought you are a Christian". That was funny to me.
This is my answer to all the twisted faces and questions. We were created as Spiritual beings, having a physical experience. Apart of that experience is is based in One's sexuality. Couple that with a divorce rate of nearly 50% in this country at the average age of 30; which leaves a lot of people still in their sexual prime and single. Now, piggy-back that with the continued growth of sexually transmitted infection amongst homosexual men and those that are, but don't profess their bi-sexuality, and there continues to be a predictor of acquiring and transmitting HIV and not only within the homosexual community, but the hetero as well.
So how does this relate to ZLL and the adult toy division, Zenful Life Lovin? The resurgence of married turned single, of those in and out of their sexual prime, and the continued spread of STI and STD, says don't go playing with your life! Don't assume someone else is going to take care of your sexual, physical and spiritual health. There are other ways to experience the physical pleasure you desire without going out there and putting your whole life at risk. Buy some condoms and some toys!

9/30/2013 0 Comments

http://www.zenfullifelovin.com Zenful Life Lovin is finally online and functioning!

As much as we may resist it, the holiday shopping season is upon us. Zenful Life Lovin, the adult pleasure products division under the umbrella of Zenful Life Living, LLC is up and running.
Why you may be asking. Over the years, I continue to grow my business as needs of my customers change. I am very proud to say that my clientele has grown up too. Some married, some divorced or never married. Then, dare, I say, some of you are even grandparents. Yet the one thing you all have in common is that you are all spiritual beings having a physical experience. Apart of that physical experience is self-care, pleasureful, or sexual. Let me just put it out there... that is since you are not dead yet, you may still have sexual desire and want the pleasure that comes from it.
So take a look at the new site. It is a work in development, but it can take your orders at anytime. Products are shipped to you in a nondescript package. Also "LIKE" the Zenful Life Lovin Facebook page and be first to get the latest information and coupon codes between now and the New Year. Buy something for yourself or someone you care about.

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5/6/2013 0 Comments

The EVILS of SUGAR

I now have more evidence that supports what I have been thinking. SUGAR is EVIL! Sugar is not just bad for the formation of diabetes, but also heart disease, cancer and stroke. Sugar is a drug to the brain and we as consumers are addicted. And don't think you can save yourself with "diet" soda. NO! It is not going to happen.
I am fortunate that my son is a kid that doesn't care for candy, chocolate bars, cake and such. He will sometimes eat ice cream and we makes our own now to limit the sugar in it. We have been using the same 5lb sugar since October and still have about half left. Yet, I know there is added sugar that is not needed and in the prepared foods and juices we buy. So I am commented to read more and eliminate more. You commitment to do the same may just save your life of the life of a love one.
Check out this video from 60 Minutes for more on this topic.
http://http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=7403942n

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11/21/2011

Lot to catch up on!

First, I want to let you know I was selected for a Facilitator position for Shopping Matter. Yeah!!! No the job doesn't pay, but I have so much passion to share about shopping on a REAL budget and providing healthy meals. My first clients will be the parents of the College Track/Summit 54 program I work with. I mean think about it. We prep kids for college while they may be eating poor quality food. What's the use? Education for the children and the parents go hand in hand. It is now a win win working to end childhood hunger in the US by 2015. That is Share Our Strength's goal and we will need a lot more foot soldiers to make it happen. Get involved. Go to http://www.strength.org/about/ and see how you can share your strength.

11/2/2011

New organization, website

Although they have been around, Share Our Strength is new to me. I found them round about from an article in the Denver Post titled :Should food stamps be used for fast food? Really? Yep. That is what it said. Enough about that . That article touched on a program called Cooking Matters. which teaches low income adults to cook healthy on limited funds. YEAH!!!!!!! While at the website looking at that program I discovered Shopping Matters. Better still. Learn how to shop for healthy food to prepare in a healthy manner. LOVE IT!.
This is what I am about. Taking you from where you are to where you want to be so you can be, do and have everything you need to have the life you want for yourself and love ones. Then, if not while, you pass it on!. Remember, you have to pass it on.
So, I sent them a request to get involved and we will see what they say. Fingers crosses. In the meantime, check them out.

7/27/2011

Do you know the number one killer in the U.S.?

Everyday you can read or hear someone saying something different about what the number one killer in the U. S.. For years heart disease is at the top of the list, followed by cancer and stroke. Lately there is more conversation about stress and the examination of it being a contributor to the other three leading causes of death.

I am no statistician, but I know that stress does effect your overall well being. If you have stress or stressors in your life, commit to improving your situation from the inside out. Identify what ails you and examine its source on not only a physical level, but on spiritual, emotional, chemical, and structural levels, as well.

A good place to start the process is through daily morning prayer or meditation. If that is not your style, you can begin a gratitude journal or just by speaking your thoughts of thanks in the morning while preparing for your day.

As a Christian-Zenist, I make it my duty to be still in the moment at some point throughout my day and be thankful for that moment. It is within that moment that all things exist. It is not the past and the future is unknown. All we have is the moment. If you have never really thought about it, take a minute and don't be surprised if you get hit like a ton of bricks.

7/26/2011

Is your blood pressure to high?

It is not just salt to watch out for. The University of Colorado, Denver Health Sciences Center found that among 4,528 adults age 18 or older, those that consumed 74g or more a day of fructose (the same as 2 and a half regular sodas) had a 26% to 77% increased risk for HBP (levels over 120/80mmHG).

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention says that children who consume high levels of fructose may also have more belly fat and less insulin sensitivity. As we have heard over the past few years; abdominal obesity raises the risk of heart disease as well as type 2 diabetes. This is a growing epidemic for U.S. kids.

Author

I am a woman, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a mother, an Integrative
Nutrition Health Coach and Intimacy Empowerment Guide and I have found the key to defining my NO to get to my YES. I am on a journey and I hope you will take it with me. Please share your ideas, thoughts and insights in the Contact Me section or along with a blog post. We can learn from each other.

YOUR CART

Emotional Blackmail In A Relationship

10 Tip on How to Create Intimacy After Baby's Arrival

the best job in the world!

hemp oil, a natural skin lubricant

how aromatherapy is used to help treat certain conditions

from relationship overload to recovery

THE POWER OF TOUCH

a conversation about depression:part 2

A cONVERSATION ABOUT DEPRESSION: Part 1

Why Zenful Life Lovin?

http://www.zenfullifelovin.com Zenful Life Lovin is finally online and functioning!

The EVILS of SUGAR

Lot to catch up on!

New organization, website

Do you know the number one killer in the U.S.?

Is your blood pressure to high?

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