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9/26/2015

did he just say truffle butter?

I just had a birthday, and as I creep closer to 50, I have some realizations. These are 10 "UM!" things that came to me during this year.

My son is 11, where as the majority of my friend have adult children or even grandchildren.
I am a Helicopter Mom. Meaning, I hover over my child and pay extremely close attention to his activities, especially concerning education. No apologies needed here as far as I am concerned!
I feel I am "in the know" in most things. I keep up with current events. I am civically active.
I volunteer for causes that are important.
I REALLY don't do gray hair on MY head.
There are people on the planet that are of great annoyance to me. I am working more and more to just ignore them. There are times that I go back to my "I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS" mantra and that seems to help.
I am in much better shape now than I was 2 years ago. Along with getting rid of 185+lbs of someone else, I dropped 40 lbs of my own and will not be picking either back up.
As much as divorce is a bitch, there is something very liberating about ending a relationship with someone that doesn't see or appreciate your greatness.
I am in need of more sleep now than even last year and I wonder why I now have to pee during the night?
As a child of the Hip Hop generation, as a Generation Xer, I don't understand most of the current "WTH" is it called rap music (lower case letters). I seriously had to go to the Urban Dictionary to define "Truffle Butter" and it ain't cute, at all. Reminded me of back in 1998 when I learned what "tossing salad" is. I guess each generation has their secret lingo, but with my 11 year old in the car and the chick on the car radio said "he was eating booty like groceries", I was tempted to pull the car over. Yet, my son is very intelligent and thought the whole situation was funny yet ridiculous. He now says it just to make my eyebrow rise. Life is good!

9/25/2015

from relationship overload to recovery

When relationships begin, they're fun and exciting. You spend time together doing fun things and when your partner goes home or heads off to work, you get to spend some time on your own reflecting about how much fun you've had. You look forward to seeing each other again with a sense of anticipation and excitement.

All healthy relationships go through periods of highs and lows. When things are running high, everyone's happy. But when things are at a low point, one or both partners may begin to doubt their feelings.

You might start thinking this person might not be right for you because the feelings just aren't there today. Perhaps your partner seems distant and preoccupied and isn't showing the same level of interest in you today as in previous days.

Burn out can happen simply because you're both trying to sustain the high-intensity emotions for far too long. It could also mean you're spending all your time in each other's company with no chance to unwind and enjoy that sense of anticipation until you see each other again.

Many people are guilty of this early in a relationship. I call this The Newness. They forget to socialize with other friends. They give up their usual hobbies and interests so they can spend more time with their new-found love. While it's fun at first, it can also lead to feeling unfulfilled in other areas of your life.

Just because you're in a relationship, it's unrealistic to expect every other area of your life to stop. You also can't expect your partner to give up friends, hobbies or interests he or she had before they met you, unless they're detrimental to the relationship.

RECOVERY

Nobody can feel ecstatically blissful 100% of the time, 24/7. It's exhausting and what I call, The Newness Wearing Off. So when those lulls or low-patches happen, don't take it personally. They're often a sign that you may need to spend some time doing something fun for yourself and re-energize that independent streak within you.

Not only will it give you and your partner time to miss each other, but you'll both be doing something you enjoy, which gives you something fun to talk about when you do see each other again.

Trying to beg your partner for an answer about why he or she is being distant today is likely to push them further away instead of bringing them closer. Everyone needs a little time alone to recharge and think, so allow your partner the courtesy of a little time when they need it. This will also give you time to get back in touch with yourself.

9/12/2015

what's your story?

"MIC CHECK MIC CHECK"... stop and take a look at where you are. What is the story you are telling yourself about where you are vs where you want to be? How's that working for you? Are you telling yourself the same old tired excuses? Are you stuck back on the old story that got you where you are and now it is time to move forward with a new story? Is your relationship with yourself and others moving you forward or feeling like a noose around your neck? Is your sex life satisfying your current desires or is it back in the dark ages? Have you created a bond with a past wound because you have become comfortable with not risking change? What about your weight...Are you holding on to a comfort of the known as to the unknown? How do any of these things serve you are keep you playing small?

We carry all of our past experiences, relationships, culture...but those situations that were not positive, don't have to keep us stuck forever. YES, it will be there. It is a permanent part of your existence. SORRY. Someone else will tell you that you can just let it all go, but we are a sum total of our past. Your past is truly what has put you were you are now. Good, bad or indifferent. This makes you who you are. Yet, if your old story is holding you back, pick up a pen and write a new chapter to your story. As Glenda the Good Witch, "You have always had it". Then, remember, you don't have to write the end of your story just yet. You have the power to define YOUR OWN future.

4/14/2015

hey girlfriend!

OKAY... I would say this is for all Ladies, but if you have been married a long time, good luck with this. SO SINGLE LADIES, here we go. I can't leave the LADIES out, or I will hear someone scream foul. So my question is ARE YOU DOING TO MUCH? This is what I know for sure, and I can admit it is APART of what led to the demise of my own marriage. ARE you to independent? Men say they want independent women. They say they want a woman that has her own. To some extent that is true. BUT here is the catch. MEN WANT TO FEEL NEEDED. If you are so independent that he feels that you don't need him, he will not step up when you really want him to do so, or even worse, he will leave you for the "needy" chick that has figured how to balance her femininity with her independence. Men want to know that they are significant in your lives. If a man loves you, he wants to know that what brings you joy is due to his contribution. LASTLY, even though we wish men were intuitive and mind readers, THEY'RE NOT. If he is a good one and your expectations are in line with his goals, he will step up and hit a home run. So next time you want him to get off the sofa and get the groceries out of the car, carry in one bag and ask him to help you. Don't go dragging in two arm full of bags and expect him to care about you doing the job he wanted to do for you.

3/22/2014

THE POWER OF TOUCH

Having the weekend to myself, I spent the day relaxing with a friend, while watching Netflix and studying my health coaching program. Yes, relaxation is good in and of itself and some would consider it a non activity, but when done in close contact to another person, there are profound chemical responses.
Your skin is your body's largest organ, and when its sensory receptors are stimulated, the hormone Oxytocin, the one that makes you feel good is released. At the same time, Cortisol, the stress hormone also involved with weight, glucose regulation and the regulation of blood pressure, is reduced. The power of touch also improves your immune system, and deepen your connection to another person even more so than sex.
So I recommend you make time, hours even to connect with another person through the power of even simple touch. Also, consider the next time you shake the hand of a child or old person that lives alone; hold their hand with both your hands as long as they are comfortable. Even though you will not see the effects of this connect, it is important and very present.

2/6/2014

a conversation about depression:part 2

To begin where I left off, my doctor prescribed an antidepressant. I told my mother about it as I was alarmed by the list of possible effects of the medication. Here is a copy and paste from online. Get emergency medical help if you have any of these signs of an allergic reaction: skin rash or hives; difficulty breathing; swelling of your face, lips, tongue, or throat.

Report any new or worsening symptoms to your doctor, such as: mood or behavior changes, anxiety, panic attacks, trouble sleeping, or if you feel impulsive, irritable, agitated, hostile, aggressive, restless, hyperactive (mentally or physically), more depressed, or have thoughts about suicide or hurting yourself.

Call your doctor at once if you have:

seizure (convulsions);
very stiff (rigid) muscles, high fever, sweating, confusion, fast or uneven heartbeats, tremors, feeling like you might pass out;
agitation, hallucinations, fever, fast heart rate, overactive reflexes, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, loss of coordination;
headache, slurred speech, severe weakness, muscle cramps, feeling unsteady, fainting, shallow breathing (breathing may stop);
cough, chest tightness, trouble breathing; or
easy bruising.
Common side effects may include:

drowsiness, dizziness, weakness, feeling nervous;
increased sweating;
blurred vision;
dry mouth;
changes in appetite or weight;
mild nausea, constipation; or
decreased sex drive, impotence, or difficulty having an orgasm.
This is not a complete list of side effects and others may occur.
As I read all of this, I was wondering if my depression was this bad, if it was worth it to take the pills in hopes to improve one condition to perhaps gain all of these, or was there some other answer to the situation. So after a few days to a week, I noticed I was having mood swings. Lets just face it, I WAS BITCHY. I was aggravated by just about everything and everybody. During the second week, I really had a handle on the way the pills were making me feel, so I thought. No, I was not dealing with the majority of things from the long list above, but I was not liking the results of the way the pills were making me feel. The camel back straw occurred one evening while talking to my son. I said something, and it was not a mean thing that was said, but the way in which I said it. I heard it come out of my month and in that instance, I knew I could not take back what was already in the Universe and his ears. He said to me, with a plain and calm face and tone, " You know mom, you have not been speaking to me very nicely lately". Out of the mouth of a babe. He was RIGHT! I knew it too. I apologized, making no excuses and told him that I promised to do better. That was the last pill I took for depression.
In that moment of speaking to my son, I realized that I had a choice in how I let my situation affect me. I HAD A CHOICE TO NOT SUFFER ANY LONGER. Perhaps you have heard my favorite Zen quote. It says that, "Suffering is the desire to have something a way it is not going to be". Now I knew this. I had put it into practice on several occasions and had lived present and mindful in that space. That quote has seen me through a lot of tough situations of the past. Yet, for this situation I had sit in another space that allowed me to be sad, mad, hurt, pissed off, angry and even a victim. I had gotten comfortable in that space as it had become uncomfortably familiar. So, it was simple to do nothing about it. At this point, being fully aware, I could not sit there any more.
I began to examine my situation and acknowledge that there had to have been some reason to remain in that space as long as I had. I asked myself, what was my payoff? See we as humans, don't generally do thing for nothing at all. Generally, there is some sort of payoff. I had a light bulb moment that made me aware that as much as had done to me, it was my actions or lack there of for so long that allowed these things to take place. See I either did to much which allowed the other party to not step up or step in, or I did nothing which covertly gave permission for the other party's bad behavior. I was not a victim, but a co-conspirator to the crimes of the relationship. The only difference, was that when I was done, I was done and I moved swiftly to end things.
So now I realized that suffering had been a choice, I had a payoff for doing so, I was not a victim, but sadly enough, I was partly to blame. All and all, I was at the end of the tunnel and the light was hitting me in the face. I moved past my suffering and into my bliss.
It was just that simple for me. As I had a choice to make, we all have choices to make, paths to walk and bridges to cross, roads to travel ... you get my point. You control how you live your life.
NOTE: This is not your situation. By no means I am telling you what to do in your situation. This is what worked for me and perhaps somethings you can explore. To be or not to be medicated is an individual choice.

1/1/2014

motto for 2014

To all Zenful Life Living followers, friends and family, thank you for joining me on this ride. I am so excited for what is to come. I have been busier than ever before, and I love it!

Well the time has come. 2013 brought a lot to my life and looking back with clear vision, I know it was to set me up for this and many years. So MY MOTTO for 2014 is "Authentically Bodacious!"

This is how I will be living my life! As I move firmly in the next chapter as a speaker and writer, relationship and dating coach, I will be telling it like it is and being Authentically Bodacious.

I invite you to join me. Have you already begun or can you live your best life Authentically Bodacious? Are you ready to speak your truth in all things? Will you stop playing small and stand firmly in the majesty that is God given and waiting for your taking.

The time has come to be Authentically Bodacious!!

12/31/2013

VISION BOARDS

Here is an example of a Vision Board, I found online.

I stated on Facebook that I would give more details on how to create a VISION BOARD and why you need one. So, here I go. What is a VISION BOARD? It is a collage of visual images, words, and statements that represent the wishes, goals and desires that you will do the work to complete in a given, set, period of time. The time has to be set for you to know that you can not play small, and that you make yourself accountable to do the work and complete your goals.

Your Board will help you get focus, clarity and the physical plan to achieve your goals. When you place the words, pictures and statements on a Board, you will be able to manifest your dreams into reality. There is medical research that proves that what the brain sees, has a physical reaction on the body. Think about it. If you are one that likes sweets, what happens to you physically when you see them? Do you then have a craving? Do you remember what that thing tastes like? This is the same mental response that you have with the images you allow to affect you daily life. Come on now. Stay with me. Why shouldn't we allow children to watch say, violence, porn, wars, blood and guts, etc... This is the same in reverse for the effect that your VISION BOARD will have on your life. Many call it the Law of Attraction, but I call it simple science and physiology.

Now that it is clear as to what a Board is and why you need one, let me talk about different types of Boards. I consider there to be 4 types of boards.

The Concrete Board. Create this Board when you know exactly what your wishes, goals and desires are. You will be clear on what it is you want and what you believe you will have to do to get to the goal in the next 12 months and also 2- 5 years ahead. YES, I said 5 years. Remember, in 2014, we are not playing small. Truly successful people don't just think about the next week, the next 30 days or even the next year. While they work in the here and now, they plan for what actions taken now will set them up for the projected future. This Board is about making a plan for your best life as a whole and working that plan! Examples of topics for your Board are where will you travel, who will you spend your time with, what will you drive, where will you live, what work will you do, etc... I believe the most important item on this type of Board is how will your actions help others? The positioning of the items need to be strategic and placed in an manner that flows and allow your energy to move from the Board to your LIFE. Don't just consider the end result, but also add the steps along the way to get to the big ticket item. If you want to inspire others, what is the "thing" you will do to make that happen and place it on the board.
The Subject Matter Board. Create this Board when you have a particular area of your life you want to focus on and take action to advance. Perhaps you want to get married, have a child, move your child from public school to private school, take a trip with the girls, better your health and wellness, buy a new car, etc... Here you will pick one topic and build in reverse of the goal.
The Categories Board. This Board will focus on YOU and 4 to 6 areas of your life with a specific goal for each separately or congruently. For example, Love, Work, Faith, Health, Money, Family, etc... So position yourself in the middle and make a plan for success in these areas of your like.
The Changing Board. I HAVE TO START BY SAYING THAT I DON"T LIKE THIS ONE. Yet, I know some people need it to be successful in taking baby steps. I believe making this Board allow you to be lazy, indecisive, and in a state of fluctuation. When in this state, what does this say to the energy fields you are attracting to your goals? It says, maybe I want you to show up, maybe you will work for me, but wait; I am not sure I even deserve my wishes, goals and desires, am I worth it, so don't work for me cause I don't even know that I deserve abundance in my life. So, let me say it to you. YOU DESIRE THE BEST LIFE OF YOUR DESIRES!. But if you have no ideal what that looks like now, I understand, and my arms are around you with hugs and my ears are open to guide you. I recently told a woman that instead of making a Board that she changes on a regular, make a different board and "to do" lists that see can freely add and remove tasks.

So that is it. You have the game plan to create the visual and why you need it. Use pictures, glue, markers, cut out words, glitter, WHATEVER! Make it attractive, because you have at least 12 months to look at this things. Then place this physical Board in a place that you will see it; if not all day when you are awake, at least several times a day. You have to see it to attract the energy from it to accomplish the items on it. If you get stuck, need help, leave comments here or on the Facebook page of the same page.
Remember, I am sure you have heard this one: “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” ― Napoleon Hill.

3/7/2011

Teachable Moments

When you get them you have to seize the moment. I had such a moment today. As you will learn, we don’t have cable TV. I think it is full of crappy shows and way to expensive. Most of what we watch, we can see through the internet and we love our commercial free dvd and TV show service. You know the one. I am just not giving a shot out. Anyway, I got a dvd in the mail and began to watching it today. The movie is, Gifted Hands,The Ben Carson Story. I can’t begin to do justice on that man’s life story here, so if you don’t know the name, Google him. I so wanted our son to watch, but I did not want to force it on him. I wanted him to take interest himself. Shortly after it stated, he did. He sat and watched the whole movie. I was very impressed in how caught up he was.

He made brief comments throughout the movie that were very appropriate for his age. When the movie was done, he was so happy with the ending. I was happy for him and his excitement of seeing a "brown man" like him, doing such great and wonderful things. Our son spoke about how Dr. Carson overcame his anger issues and how he applied himself to his studies

In that moment, it came to me to talk to him about "Tenacity". He came and sat on my lap and looked at me with his seven year old eyes and said, "what's that". I said that is what Dr. Carson had to be successful at what he wanted in his life. I explained that the word means to be tenacious, to be determined or persistent, to stick to a plan for a long time. I went one to say that Dr. Carson worked hard for a long time, not just one test in school to achieve his goals, because he was tenacious and persistent. I added that Dr. Carson was "Audacious". It was Dr. Carson's audacity that allowed him to be bold and take on something difficult. Dr. Carson did what many people did not think he would or could accomplish.

I then asked our son, if he thinks he could be tenacious and audacious? Can he do what people may not think he can do? Could he make a plan and stick to it? Could he make a dream come true with his own hard work? Can he achieve what his mind may be telling him he can't? The challenge is on.

I plan on keeping mindfulness on these topics. I am going to continue to ask him how he will have a tenacious day and does he have the audacity to succeed.

I urge you get rent or buy the movie Gifted Hands. I think it is very important for "kids of color" to see it, but wonderful lessons for all kids of any school age or color. Some folks think kids don't see color. Perhaps, that is so if they are not one. That is a topic for another day.

Good day and live each moment with tenacious audacity!

Author

I am a woman, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a mother, an Integrative
Nutrition Health Coach and Intimacy Empowerment Guide and I have found the key to defining my NO to get to my YES. I am on a journey and I hope you will take it with me. Please share your ideas, thoughts and insights in the Contact Me section or along with a blog post. We can learn from each other.

YOUR CART

did he just say truffle butter?

from relationship overload to recovery

what's your story?

hey girlfriend!

THE POWER OF TOUCH

a conversation about depression:part 2

motto for 2014

VISION BOARDS

Teachable Moments

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YOUR CART

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