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9/29/2018

#MeToo, Recognizing Child Sexual Abuse in Adults

1 in 5 people were sexually abused as children, in the U.S.. Child sexual abuse occurs when a child's physical or emotional self is violated through sexual actions, when a victim is under the age of 18.
When the resulting issues are not addressed, they typically present as:

Frequent sleep disturbances (insomnia, nightmares, night terrors, sleeping too much)
Flashbacks
Dissociation or losing time
Difficulty managing emotions
Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, powerlessness, shame, or feeling “dirty”
Anxiety, panic attacks, and hypervigilence
Depression
Suicidal thoughts and attempts, feeling destructive
Cutting, self injury, or self mutilation
Eating disorders (anorexia, bulimia, and/or compulsive overeating)
Body image issues
Difficulty with or avoiding relationships, automatic lack of trust of others
Avoidance of appropriate and consensual sexual intimacy
Addictions and compulsions (alcohol, drugs, food, gambling, spending, pornography)
Body memories, somatic symptoms
Poor boundaries with others (too permissive or too rigid)
Difficulties nurturing yourself or caring for yourself appropriately

Chances are, you know someone who has experienced childhood sexual abuse. It is an issue that affects all of us at every level of society, including our families, offices, neighborhoods, schools, and places of worship. Survivors need allies like you to stand beside survivors to break down the walls of silence around this issue. With help, we can build healthy communities that speak and thrive. Time to break the cycle and heal as adults.

Understand how the past affects the present
Recognizing that what happened was sexual abuse and that the perpetrator is responsible
Recognizing unhealthy copping skills such as addictions and compulsions
Identifying and improving self-esteem issues
Developing healthy boundaries and coping skills
Accepting love, intimacy and trust

Information from and assistance at Wings Foundation, Denver, CO. http;//wingsfoundation.org

Provided information doesn't represent an endorsement provider services.

1/1/2017

2017...WHAT?

I am back with my 2017 MOTTO... "I AM PERFECTION PERSONIFIED!" See the graphic for more explanation. This is not in a braggadocious way. It is not just about what you do. It is who you are to your core, that probably effects what you do and how well you do it! IT SPEAKS TO YOUR CONFIDENCE. SO what is your PERFECTION PERSONIFICATION? If you can't answer this question, you don't own your PERFECT! WHY??? If you don't own it, no one is going to believe what you are "serving". Think about it and feel free to leave a comment.

9/14/2016

Aging with Grace

There is an Allure.com article and video circulating about, Dispelling Beauty Myths: Aging with Grace and I am so there right now. By next week, I will be the big 5-0. Yep…Fabulous Fifty. The video touched on so many issues that I embrace and that impact my life at this time.
To start, I love what was said about being sexy and the attention that comes with it. I catch the eye of older men, but I get approached by much younger dudes. I learned to embrace being a Cougar or even a MILF. It is what it is and at the end of the day, it’s about how I feel at a given moment. I love my style and my curves with the knowledge that I have both to please myself and no one else and at any given time, I have the ability to change.
Since my mid 40’s and as I got closer to 50, my confidence as a woman and mother has increased which I believe adds to the sexy. With this growth, I have adopted my life philosophy. After being married, cheated on, divorced, and now single, I look at life as what I deserve and not just what I desire. Although, I cherish them while in the midst of things, I am no longer afraid of ending a relationship of any type. This light bulb realization helps me to live an unapologetically authentic life that’s on my own terms. Since I am comfortable in my current situation, I am free to date who I want, when I want. I decide at what level of intimacy is included with my relationships. In fact, my actions are even more thought out and deliberate.
Another aspect of my Aging with Grace is my ability to connect while being detached from permanence. A month after turning 49, I had a stroke. The very next day, I decided to release the stressors of my life. Apart of that is the knowledge that nothing is meant to last forever. This includes life, money, residences, friendships and love…nothing stays on this earth forever. Yesterday, out of the blue, my 80 something Mom, says she was having a conversation with her 80 something brother about how they are on borrowed time. I explained to my Mom, that we all are in the same position. We all have finite days in our physical bodies. Money is given, won earned, saved and spent, but at your last breath, you will probably not take it with you. Homes can be here today and gone tomorrow. Some friends lose connection and perhaps come back or not. People commit to marriage till death do they part and then divorce. Is this making sense? So when it is all said and done, I have learned to be removed from the “idea” of permanence because it all can be gone in a blink. We live in the duality of constant “here today and gone tomorrow”. So I live my life in the moment, while I plan for the uncertain future, which for me is way less stressful and way more fun. It brings peace to my life and ability to define my NO to get to my YES…with grace.

4/22/2016

lessons from prince's life

Okay so, I did not know the man personally, but from back in the days of 1979 we would be forever connected. His first album in 1978 went under my radar, but after I Wanna Be Your Lover”, with the self titled album name and the picture of a fine ass dude with pressed out hair and flips, and let me not forget the lips; I WAS IN LOVE. Mind you, I was in middle school, but made it my mission to hear everything the man put out. Albums, 45s, it did not matter. Then when I got my portable cassette player, it was on!
Prince’s music was raw, gritty and nasty. It was all those things your parents warned you to stay away from, yet embrace because it was real funk and soul mixed with pop. Anytime he was on TV, I was glued. No need to call my house phone to tell me to turn on whatever channel, honey, I was already there. My crush was huge! The love grew stronger in 1982, at ISU, when Prince and The Time appeared in concert. I went with my best friend. We thought we were grown. We relived that night for months and months.

9/28/2015

body/mind/spirit, superblood moon, challenges vs problems

So many things. So little time.

Today, I have some quick things to share with you.

First, Zenful Life Living's focus is Body, Mind, and Spirit, not just sex. Okay, I know I talk a lot about it, but in a few days you will see why it is such a major topic and how it all ties together.

Second, I hope you caught the Superblood Mood Eclipse last night. It was beautiful. It also has great importance to you life. As a life force on the planet, you are connected to every other life force. Planets, people, animals, the tides... everything. The Moon came in last night under the Zodiac sign Aries which is actually the beginning of the Zodiac signs....WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN? Well grasshopper... it means now is YOUR TIME? It is time for new bold moves, the start of something for which the Universe has been waiting on just YOU for. YES... YOU! You are unique and different and no one else can do actually what you can do. The Aries Moon says, be bold, courageous and do it now!

Third. I seem to not have enough time nor organization to do everything the Universe is setting up for me to do. This is a real CHALLENGE for me. As a challenge, I want to conquer it. Now if I said it was a problem, I would want to get rid of it and stop doing it as quickly as possible. Big difference huh? Damn right! It is all about the conversation you have with yourself and what you put out into the Universe. NO more problems unless it is something or someone you want to get rid of like old dirty laundry. Work through your challenges and reach new heights.

9/12/2015

what's your story?

"MIC CHECK MIC CHECK"... stop and take a look at where you are. What is the story you are telling yourself about where you are vs where you want to be? How's that working for you? Are you telling yourself the same old tired excuses? Are you stuck back on the old story that got you where you are and now it is time to move forward with a new story? Is your relationship with yourself and others moving you forward or feeling like a noose around your neck? Is your sex life satisfying your current desires or is it back in the dark ages? Have you created a bond with a past wound because you have become comfortable with not risking change? What about your weight...Are you holding on to a comfort of the known as to the unknown? How do any of these things serve you are keep you playing small?

We carry all of our past experiences, relationships, culture...but those situations that were not positive, don't have to keep us stuck forever. YES, it will be there. It is a permanent part of your existence. SORRY. Someone else will tell you that you can just let it all go, but we are a sum total of our past. Your past is truly what has put you were you are now. Good, bad or indifferent. This makes you who you are. Yet, if your old story is holding you back, pick up a pen and write a new chapter to your story. As Glenda the Good Witch, "You have always had it". Then, remember, you don't have to write the end of your story just yet. You have the power to define YOUR OWN future.

4/14/2015

hey girlfriend!

OKAY... I would say this is for all Ladies, but if you have been married a long time, good luck with this. SO SINGLE LADIES, here we go. I can't leave the LADIES out, or I will hear someone scream foul. So my question is ARE YOU DOING TO MUCH? This is what I know for sure, and I can admit it is APART of what led to the demise of my own marriage. ARE you to independent? Men say they want independent women. They say they want a woman that has her own. To some extent that is true. BUT here is the catch. MEN WANT TO FEEL NEEDED. If you are so independent that he feels that you don't need him, he will not step up when you really want him to do so, or even worse, he will leave you for the "needy" chick that has figured how to balance her femininity with her independence. Men want to know that they are significant in your lives. If a man loves you, he wants to know that what brings you joy is due to his contribution. LASTLY, even though we wish men were intuitive and mind readers, THEY'RE NOT. If he is a good one and your expectations are in line with his goals, he will step up and hit a home run. So next time you want him to get off the sofa and get the groceries out of the car, carry in one bag and ask him to help you. Don't go dragging in two arm full of bags and expect him to care about you doing the job he wanted to do for you.

2/6/2014

a conversation about depression:part 2

To begin where I left off, my doctor prescribed an antidepressant. I told my mother about it as I was alarmed by the list of possible effects of the medication. Here is a copy and paste from online. Get emergency medical help if you have any of these signs of an allergic reaction: skin rash or hives; difficulty breathing; swelling of your face, lips, tongue, or throat.

Report any new or worsening symptoms to your doctor, such as: mood or behavior changes, anxiety, panic attacks, trouble sleeping, or if you feel impulsive, irritable, agitated, hostile, aggressive, restless, hyperactive (mentally or physically), more depressed, or have thoughts about suicide or hurting yourself.

Call your doctor at once if you have:

seizure (convulsions);
very stiff (rigid) muscles, high fever, sweating, confusion, fast or uneven heartbeats, tremors, feeling like you might pass out;
agitation, hallucinations, fever, fast heart rate, overactive reflexes, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, loss of coordination;
headache, slurred speech, severe weakness, muscle cramps, feeling unsteady, fainting, shallow breathing (breathing may stop);
cough, chest tightness, trouble breathing; or
easy bruising.
Common side effects may include:

drowsiness, dizziness, weakness, feeling nervous;
increased sweating;
blurred vision;
dry mouth;
changes in appetite or weight;
mild nausea, constipation; or
decreased sex drive, impotence, or difficulty having an orgasm.
This is not a complete list of side effects and others may occur.
As I read all of this, I was wondering if my depression was this bad, if it was worth it to take the pills in hopes to improve one condition to perhaps gain all of these, or was there some other answer to the situation. So after a few days to a week, I noticed I was having mood swings. Lets just face it, I WAS BITCHY. I was aggravated by just about everything and everybody. During the second week, I really had a handle on the way the pills were making me feel, so I thought. No, I was not dealing with the majority of things from the long list above, but I was not liking the results of the way the pills were making me feel. The camel back straw occurred one evening while talking to my son. I said something, and it was not a mean thing that was said, but the way in which I said it. I heard it come out of my month and in that instance, I knew I could not take back what was already in the Universe and his ears. He said to me, with a plain and calm face and tone, " You know mom, you have not been speaking to me very nicely lately". Out of the mouth of a babe. He was RIGHT! I knew it too. I apologized, making no excuses and told him that I promised to do better. That was the last pill I took for depression.
In that moment of speaking to my son, I realized that I had a choice in how I let my situation affect me. I HAD A CHOICE TO NOT SUFFER ANY LONGER. Perhaps you have heard my favorite Zen quote. It says that, "Suffering is the desire to have something a way it is not going to be". Now I knew this. I had put it into practice on several occasions and had lived present and mindful in that space. That quote has seen me through a lot of tough situations of the past. Yet, for this situation I had sit in another space that allowed me to be sad, mad, hurt, pissed off, angry and even a victim. I had gotten comfortable in that space as it had become uncomfortably familiar. So, it was simple to do nothing about it. At this point, being fully aware, I could not sit there any more.
I began to examine my situation and acknowledge that there had to have been some reason to remain in that space as long as I had. I asked myself, what was my payoff? See we as humans, don't generally do thing for nothing at all. Generally, there is some sort of payoff. I had a light bulb moment that made me aware that as much as had done to me, it was my actions or lack there of for so long that allowed these things to take place. See I either did to much which allowed the other party to not step up or step in, or I did nothing which covertly gave permission for the other party's bad behavior. I was not a victim, but a co-conspirator to the crimes of the relationship. The only difference, was that when I was done, I was done and I moved swiftly to end things.
So now I realized that suffering had been a choice, I had a payoff for doing so, I was not a victim, but sadly enough, I was partly to blame. All and all, I was at the end of the tunnel and the light was hitting me in the face. I moved past my suffering and into my bliss.
It was just that simple for me. As I had a choice to make, we all have choices to make, paths to walk and bridges to cross, roads to travel ... you get my point. You control how you live your life.
NOTE: This is not your situation. By no means I am telling you what to do in your situation. This is what worked for me and perhaps somethings you can explore. To be or not to be medicated is an individual choice.

1/1/2014

motto for 2014

To all Zenful Life Living followers, friends and family, thank you for joining me on this ride. I am so excited for what is to come. I have been busier than ever before, and I love it!

Well the time has come. 2013 brought a lot to my life and looking back with clear vision, I know it was to set me up for this and many years. So MY MOTTO for 2014 is "Authentically Bodacious!"

This is how I will be living my life! As I move firmly in the next chapter as a speaker and writer, relationship and dating coach, I will be telling it like it is and being Authentically Bodacious.

I invite you to join me. Have you already begun or can you live your best life Authentically Bodacious? Are you ready to speak your truth in all things? Will you stop playing small and stand firmly in the majesty that is God given and waiting for your taking.

The time has come to be Authentically Bodacious!!

1/6/2013

Welcome 2013

For 2013, I have adapted a new mantra. It is, "I don't give a rat's ass". Like many others, I survived many trials in 2012. Looking back, I realized that I spent to much of my time being distracted by that which doesn't serve my well-being, growth, zenful life living...
Here is what I am saying...daily we are bombarded by a plethora of information that doesn't matter to our lives. There is the celeb baby bump, the who is sleeping with and divorcing whom, the fight someone had with a pap, and I REALLY DON'T CARE!. I don't wish those folks ill will, but I can't be concerned one iota.
What I do care about is my family, the health and education of children everywhere, and fairness in the legal system. If we can collectively change our paradigm in the world, we could change the future for the better.
So join me if you will. Your cares may be the same or different, but make them matter to the greater good of yourself, your circle, or the masses of beings that share the planet with us.

4/10/2011

When to say, " I love you".

For the last hour, I was typing out some thoughts about telling the ones you love, simply that you love them. Something happened and it was all wiped away. It was good too!. I will get it all back and share with you soon. It is powerful so I want to do it justice.

3/27/2011

Curve balls while living fearless.

I hope you are living fearless. A little over a week ago, while looking at my SUV/Mommy mobile, I thought how good my SUV looked for being 5 years old. Then that same day, while driving out of a parking space, my SUV/Mommy mobile got hit by a reckless driver. As I remain in pain (the reason I am up this time of night)and my rides is busted up, I have to thank God that I was not hurt worst and that when it is all said and done, justice WILL be served. Yes, I know all this in my mind, but what a curve ball?. There I was, minding my own business, being safe and bang! Not home to dinner with the family, but to the hospital and all the doctors' and pharmacy trips since. Then I get some silly news from the other insurance (S. F.),that they don't cover that driver, yet the car is insured. Perhaps they don't know that I read Colorado Revised Statues. They better ask somebody what one of my degrees is in. As I say all the time, this is another time to pull up my big girl panties, add more to my to do list and getter done. I will keep you posted.

3/8/2011

NEW MANTRA

I want to get you apart of my 2011 movement. In the beginning of the year, I started a new conversation with myself.
It goes like this... LIVE FEARLESS!!!!!!!. That is it. it is what I tell myself over and over throughout the day. It is what I believe in my heart. It is how I am living my life. You see I did not say, trying to live my life, but it is how I am living my life. Please, join me. LIVE FEARLESS! Be bold. Recreate yourself. Do something you thought you could not or would not do. Let me know how it is working for you. I welcome your comments and questions. I will return soon and tell you what I am working on and how it is coming along.

Author

I am a woman, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a mother, an Integrative
Nutrition Health Coach and Intimacy Empowerment Guide and I have found the key to defining my NO to get to my YES. I am on a journey and I hope you will take it with me. Please share your ideas, thoughts and insights in the Contact Me section or along with a blog post. We can learn from each other.

YOUR CART

#MeToo, Recognizing Child Sexual Abuse in Adults

2017...WHAT?

Aging with Grace

lessons from prince's life

body/mind/spirit, superblood moon, challenges vs problems

what's your story?

hey girlfriend!

a conversation about depression:part 2

motto for 2014

Welcome 2013

When to say, " I love you".

Curve balls while living fearless.

NEW MANTRA

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