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Here we go. These dating shows of seemingly somewhat thirsty for love singles are all over my television and I don’t even have cable. Love is Blind on Netflix is the latest train wreck. It puts a group of single men and women in the same but separated location. The idea is to find a love match to marry in 6 weeks without seeing the person first. The singles “date” through divided rooms called pods. By day 6 there are face to face meetings and the proposals. The couples are then whisked away to an all inclusive vacation in Mexico to determine if they should have sex and decide to continue on the journey to marriage in a month.
Now stay with me because this is all a bit convoluted. So the casting of the show starts with five black women and two black men. By the end there are two black women and one black man in a sea of Caucasias and two Latins. Therefore, one of the black women matches up with a white male. Of course, because production could not have had more black men in which would have most likely allowed selection of a black woman. Yes, someone will say that the black men could have selected white women and the one remaining black man who selected a black woman could have ended up with a white woman. Right sure, only if media promoted interracial couples wihere the man is black with a 20 something porcelain white woman with hair extenstions. Instead the show casting selected a black man that is fluid, i.e.:pansexual who selects a hetero/sis-gender black female for which the sexualy fluid black male decides to spring his sexual identity on the stright black female after he put a ring on it! Of course this news hits her with a bit of pause. She was not only faced with the actual news, but that her soon to be husband had time to be honest several times before his tearful exclamation at the resort. She tried to have a heartfelt conversation about the situation when he got in his feelings, telling her that other women haven't had issues with his sexuality, therefore why should she… and hey at least he was honest. GTFOOH. Now having had the tough conversation, dude proceeds to not take rejection well. Not only did he call her a bitch, he also talked about how her unglued lace front wig had been sliding back on her head the entire time since their meeting. Yet, this was the same dude that got on one knee and asked for her hand in marriage. It all was so ratchet. Lets not sit and watch this and not think the producers/show runners/casting did not have knowledge of the sexuality issue prior to filming. Who’s idea was it to hold off on honest communication? Did they really cast two black males, one of which is fluid and expect whomever he was matched with to just be 100% cool with his past experiences and present fluidity? Then, the couples all meet on the beach for dinner not knowing they are all there at the same resort. Not once did the couples ask about the other two people’s whereabouts nor did show hostess Vanessa Lachey address it. Everyone knew they picked each other. At that point, the show seems beyond the fakery that the premise presents. What happened to the other man and the remaining four black women? Did they just not match or where the connections not cringe-worthy enough for “reality tv”? Sad that Netflix fell into the media bigotry that rejects images of healthy black on black love. The deck was stacked from the opening scene in the vein of The Hills or some other show where the participants drive up to the location looking optimistic yet lost and disingenuous, As the intention of the heart is to keep it open, another is to draw healthy boundaries.
There is a story about a young woman whose Buddhist meditation master was teaching her about boundaries. Every day she would meditate on drawing loving-kindness into her heart. Each day when she left the meditation for the market she was greeted by the unwelcome advances of a merchant. Finally, one day she lost it! She was so mad she took her umbrella and chased the merchant down the street. While running, she notice her Buddhist master watching her. As she approached the master she was ashamed with her behavior. In the most calmest and gentle tone, he told her, " The next time something like this happens, fill your heart with as an much loving-kindness as you can and then take your umbrella and hit that rogue right over the head!" There is a time, a moment that we must draw a line for the protection of our own energy. I am not saying you have to hurt someone's feeling as that doesn't bless them or our hearts. It is unhealthy for us and ultimately others, to not have healthy boundaries. We have to take time to recharge and nurture ourselves to be effective in fulfilling our mission. A Rabbi once said, “A human being that does not have a single hour of his own every day is not human being at all. You must take time for yourself. It is okay to set limits and say no, with loving-kindness.  I am back with my 2017 MOTTO... "I AM PERFECTION PERSONIFIED!" See the graphic for more explanation. This is not in a braggadocious way. It is not just about what you do. It is who you are to your core, that probably effects what you do and how well you do it! IT SPEAKS TO YOUR CONFIDENCE. SO what is your PERFECTION PERSONIFICATION? If you can't answer this question, you don't own your PERFECT! WHY??? If you don't own it, no one is going to believe what you are "serving". Think about it and feel free to leave a comment.
Let me start by saying, congrats to his current baby momma, Brittany Bell. Nick reported a few days ago that Ms. Bell is 6 months pregnant. Children are a blessing regardless to the circumstances for which they were conceived. This is not an attack on Nick, but yet a reprimand on behavior.
Here is the lesson in all of this. Nick apparently did an interview with #ENews back in August. At which time they reported that he stated that, he has no intention of getting into another relationship ever again, because he is damaged goods. I can agree with part of that. YET, HELLO … NEW FLASH, sex with another person is a relationship. It’s called a “sexual relationship”, “a sex buddy”, “a fuck buddy”, “friends with benefits”, “sitting on the fence”, “rebound chick or dude” or even "one night stand”… did I miss any? Regardless, they are all forms of a relationship! There are three things that I want you to be clear on regarding this topic.
There is an Allure.com article and video circulating about, Dispelling Beauty Myths: Aging with Grace and I am so there right now. By next week, I will be the big 5-0. Yep…Fabulous Fifty. The video touched on so many issues that I embrace and that impact my life at this time. To start, I love what was said about being sexy and the attention that comes with it. I catch the eye of older men, but I get approached by much younger dudes. I learned to embrace being a Cougar or even a MILF. It is what it is and at the end of the day, it’s about how I feel at a given moment. I love my style and my curves with the knowledge that I have both to please myself and no one else and at any given time, I have the ability to change. Since my mid 40’s and as I got closer to 50, my confidence as a woman and mother has increased which I believe adds to the sexy. With this growth, I have adopted my life philosophy. After being married, cheated on, divorced, and now single, I look at life as what I deserve and not just what I desire. Although, I cherish them while in the midst of things, I am no longer afraid of ending a relationship of any type. This light bulb realization helps me to live an unapologetically authentic life that’s on my own terms. Since I am comfortable in my current situation, I am free to date who I want, when I want. I decide at what level of intimacy is included with my relationships. In fact, my actions are even more thought out and deliberate. Another aspect of my Aging with Grace is my ability to connect while being detached from permanence. A month after turning 49, I had a stroke. The very next day, I decided to release the stressors of my life. Apart of that is the knowledge that nothing is meant to last forever. This includes life, money, residences, friendships and love…nothing stays on this earth forever. Yesterday, out of the blue, my 80 something Mom, says she was having a conversation with her 80 something brother about how they are on borrowed time. I explained to my Mom, that we all are in the same position. We all have finite days in our physical bodies. Money is given, won earned, saved and spent, but at your last breath, you will probably not take it with you. Homes can be here today and gone tomorrow. Some friends lose connection and perhaps come back or not. People commit to marriage till death do they part and then divorce. Is this making sense? So when it is all said and done, I have learned to be removed from the “idea” of permanence because it all can be gone in a blink. We live in the duality of constant “here today and gone tomorrow”. So I live my life in the moment, while I plan for the uncertain future, which for me is way less stressful and way more fun. It brings peace to my life and ability to define my NO to get to my YES…with grace. I just had a birthday, and as I creep closer to 50, I have some realizations. These are 10 "UM!" things that came to me during this year.
  OKAY... I would say this is for all Ladies, but if you have been married a long time, good luck with this. SO SINGLE LADIES, here we go. I can't leave the LADIES out, or I will hear someone scream foul. So my question is ARE YOU DOING TO MUCH? This is what I know for sure, and I can admit it is APART of what led to the demise of my own marriage. ARE you to independent? Men say they want independent women. They say they want a woman that has her own. To some extent that is true. BUT here is the catch. MEN WANT TO FEEL NEEDED. If you are so independent that he feels that you don't need him, he will not step up when you really want him to do so, or even worse, he will leave you for the "needy" chick that has figured how to balance her femininity with her independence. Men want to know that they are significant in your lives. If a man loves you, he wants to know that what brings you joy is due to his contribution. LASTLY, even though we wish men were intuitive and mind readers, THEY'RE NOT. If he is a good one and your expectations are in line with his goals, he will step up and hit a home run. So next time you want him to get off the sofa and get the groceries out of the car, carry in one bag and ask him to help you. Don't go dragging in two arm full of bags and expect him to care about you doing the job he wanted to do for you.
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Author I am a woman, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a mother, an Integrative Archives
February 2020
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