I just had a birthday, and as I creep closer to 50, I have some realizations. These are 10 "UM!" things that came to me during this year.
When relationships begin, they're fun and exciting. You spend time together doing fun things and when your partner goes home or heads off to work, you get to spend some time on your own reflecting about how much fun you've had. You look forward to seeing each other again with a sense of anticipation and excitement.
All healthy relationships go through periods of highs and lows. When things are running high, everyone's happy. But when things are at a low point, one or both partners may begin to doubt their feelings.
You might start thinking this person might not be right for you because the feelings just aren't there today. Perhaps your partner seems distant and preoccupied and isn't showing the same level of interest in you today as in previous days.
Burn out can happen simply because you're both trying to sustain the high-intensity emotions for far too long. It could also mean you're spending all your time in each other's company with no chance to unwind and enjoy that sense of anticipation until you see each other again.
Many people are guilty of this early in a relationship. I call this The Newness. They forget to socialize with other friends. They give up their usual hobbies and interests so they can spend more time with their new-found love. While it's fun at first, it can also lead to feeling unfulfilled in other areas of your life.
Just because you're in a relationship, it's unrealistic to expect every other area of your life to stop. You also can't expect your partner to give up friends, hobbies or interests he or she had before they met you, unless they're detrimental to the relationship.
Nobody can feel ecstatically blissful 100% of the time, 24/7. It's exhausting and what I call, The Newness Wearing Off. So when those lulls or low-patches happen, don't take it personally. They're often a sign that you may need to spend some time doing something fun for yourself and re-energize that independent streak within you.
Not only will it give you and your partner time to miss each other, but you'll both be doing something you enjoy, which gives you something fun to talk about when you do see each other again.
Trying to beg your partner for an answer about why he or she is being distant today is likely to push them further away instead of bringing them closer. Everyone needs a little time alone to recharge and think, so allow your partner the courtesy of a little time when they need it. This will also give you time to get back in touch with yourself.
"MIC CHECK MIC CHECK"... stop and take a look at where you are. What is the story you are telling yourself about where you are vs where you want to be? How's that working for you? Are you telling yourself the same old tired excuses? Are you stuck back on the old story that got you where you are and now it is time to move forward with a new story? Is your relationship with yourself and others moving you forward or feeling like a noose around your neck? Is your sex life satisfying your current desires or is it back in the dark ages? Have you created a bond with a past wound because you have become comfortable with not risking change? What about your weight...Are you holding on to a comfort of the known as to the unknown? How do any of these things serve you are keep you playing small?
We carry all of our past experiences, relationships, culture...but those situations that were not positive, don't have to keep us stuck forever. YES, it will be there. It is a permanent part of your existence. SORRY. Someone else will tell you that you can just let it all go, but we are a sum total of our past. Your past is truly what has put you were you are now. Good, bad or indifferent. This makes you who you are. Yet, if your old story is holding you back, pick up a pen and write a new chapter to your story. As Glenda the Good Witch, "You have always had it". Then, remember, you don't have to write the end of your story just yet. You have the power to define YOUR OWN future.
OKAY... I would say this is for all Ladies, but if you have been married a long time, good luck with this. SO SINGLE LADIES, here we go. I can't leave the LADIES out, or I will hear someone scream foul. So my question is ARE YOU DOING TO MUCH? This is what I know for sure, and I can admit it is APART of what led to the demise of my own marriage. ARE you to independent? Men say they want independent women. They say they want a woman that has her own. To some extent that is true. BUT here is the catch. MEN WANT TO FEEL NEEDED. If you are so independent that he feels that you don't need him, he will not step up when you really want him to do so, or even worse, he will leave you for the "needy" chick that has figured how to balance her femininity with her independence. Men want to know that they are significant in your lives. If a man loves you, he wants to know that what brings you joy is due to his contribution. LASTLY, even though we wish men were intuitive and mind readers, THEY'RE NOT. If he is a good one and your expectations are in line with his goals, he will step up and hit a home run. So next time you want him to get off the sofa and get the groceries out of the car, carry in one bag and ask him to help you. Don't go dragging in two arm full of bags and expect him to care about you doing the job he wanted to do for you.
Having the weekend to myself, I spent the day relaxing with a friend, while watching Netflix and studying my health coaching program. Yes, relaxation is good in and of itself and some would consider it a non activity, but when done in close contact to another person, there are profound chemical responses.
Your skin is your body's largest organ, and when its sensory receptors are stimulated, the hormone Oxytocin, the one that makes you feel good is released. At the same time, Cortisol, the stress hormone also involved with weight, glucose regulation and the regulation of blood pressure, is reduced. The power of touch also improves your immune system, and deepen your connection to another person even more so than sex.
So I recommend you make time, hours even to connect with another person through the power of even simple touch. Also, consider the next time you shake the hand of a child or old person that lives alone; hold their hand with both your hands as long as they are comfortable. Even though you will not see the effects of this connect, it is important and very present.
To begin where I left off, my doctor prescribed an antidepressant. I told my mother about it as I was alarmed by the list of possible effects of the medication. Here is a copy and paste from online. Get emergency medical help if you have any of these signs of an allergic reaction: skin rash or hives; difficulty breathing; swelling of your face, lips, tongue, or throat.
Report any new or worsening symptoms to your doctor, such as: mood or behavior changes, anxiety, panic attacks, trouble sleeping, or if you feel impulsive, irritable, agitated, hostile, aggressive, restless, hyperactive (mentally or physically), more depressed, or have thoughts about suicide or hurting yourself.
Call your doctor at once if you have:
To all Zenful Life Living followers, friends and family, thank you for joining me on this ride. I am so excited for what is to come. I have been busier than ever before, and I love it!
Well the time has come. 2013 brought a lot to my life and looking back with clear vision, I know it was to set me up for this and many years. So MY MOTTO for 2014 is "Authentically Bodacious!"
This is how I will be living my life! As I move firmly in the next chapter as a speaker and writer, relationship and dating coach, I will be telling it like it is and being Authentically Bodacious.
I invite you to join me. Have you already begun or can you live your best life Authentically Bodacious? Are you ready to speak your truth in all things? Will you stop playing small and stand firmly in the majesty that is God given and waiting for your taking.
The time has come to be Authentically Bodacious!!
Here is an example of a Vision Board, I found online.
I stated on Facebook that I would give more details on how to create a VISION BOARD and why you need one. So, here I go. What is a VISION BOARD? It is a collage of visual images, words, and statements that represent the wishes, goals and desires that you will do the work to complete in a given, set, period of time. The time has to be set for you to know that you can not play small, and that you make yourself accountable to do the work and complete your goals.
Your Board will help you get focus, clarity and the physical plan to achieve your goals. When you place the words, pictures and statements on a Board, you will be able to manifest your dreams into reality. There is medical research that proves that what the brain sees, has a physical reaction on the body. Think about it. If you are one that likes sweets, what happens to you physically when you see them? Do you then have a craving? Do you remember what that thing tastes like? This is the same mental response that you have with the images you allow to affect you daily life. Come on now. Stay with me. Why shouldn't we allow children to watch say, violence, porn, wars, blood and guts, etc... This is the same in reverse for the effect that your VISION BOARD will have on your life. Many call it the Law of Attraction, but I call it simple science and physiology.
Now that it is clear as to what a Board is and why you need one, let me talk about different types of Boards. I consider there to be 4 types of boards.
Remember, I am sure you have heard this one: “Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve.” ― Napoleon Hill.
When you get them you have to seize the moment. I had such a moment today. As you will learn, we don’t have cable TV. I think it is full of crappy shows and way to expensive. Most of what we watch, we can see through the internet and we love our commercial free dvd and TV show service. You know the one. I am just not giving a shot out. Anyway, I got a dvd in the mail and began to watching it today. The movie is, Gifted Hands,The Ben Carson Story. I can’t begin to do justice on that man’s life story here, so if you don’t know the name, Google him. I so wanted our son to watch, but I did not want to force it on him. I wanted him to take interest himself. Shortly after it stated, he did. He sat and watched the whole movie. I was very impressed in how caught up he was.
He made brief comments throughout the movie that were very appropriate for his age. When the movie was done, he was so happy with the ending. I was happy for him and his excitement of seeing a "brown man" like him, doing such great and wonderful things. Our son spoke about how Dr. Carson overcame his anger issues and how he applied himself to his studies
In that moment, it came to me to talk to him about "Tenacity". He came and sat on my lap and looked at me with his seven year old eyes and said, "what's that". I said that is what Dr. Carson had to be successful at what he wanted in his life. I explained that the word means to be tenacious, to be determined or persistent, to stick to a plan for a long time. I went one to say that Dr. Carson worked hard for a long time, not just one test in school to achieve his goals, because he was tenacious and persistent. I added that Dr. Carson was "Audacious". It was Dr. Carson's audacity that allowed him to be bold and take on something difficult. Dr. Carson did what many people did not think he would or could accomplish.
I then asked our son, if he thinks he could be tenacious and audacious? Can he do what people may not think he can do? Could he make a plan and stick to it? Could he make a dream come true with his own hard work? Can he achieve what his mind may be telling him he can't? The challenge is on.
I plan on keeping mindfulness on these topics. I am going to continue to ask him how he will have a tenacious day and does he have the audacity to succeed.
I urge you get rent or buy the movie Gifted Hands. I think it is very important for "kids of color" to see it, but wonderful lessons for all kids of any school age or color. Some folks think kids don't see color. Perhaps, that is so if they are not one. That is a topic for another day.
Good day and live each moment with tenacious audacity!
I am a woman, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a mother, an Integrative