Here we go. These dating shows of seemingly somewhat thirsty for love singles are all over my television and I don’t even have cable. Love is Blind on Netflix is the latest train wreck. It puts a group of single men and women in the same but separated location. The idea is to find a love match to marry in 6 weeks without seeing the person first. The singles “date” through divided rooms called pods. By day 6 there are face to face meetings and the proposals. The couples are then whisked away to an all inclusive vacation in Mexico to determine if they should have sex and decide to continue on the journey to marriage in a month.
Now stay with me because this is all a bit convoluted. So the casting of the show starts with five black women and two black men. By the end there are two black women and one black man in a sea of Caucasias and two Latins. Therefore, one of the black women matches up with a white male. Of course, because production could not have had more black men in which would have most likely allowed selection of a black woman. Yes, someone will say that the black men could have selected white women and the one remaining black man who selected a black woman could have ended up with a white woman. Right sure, only if media promoted interracial couples wihere the man is black with a 20 something porcelain white woman with hair extenstions. Instead the show casting selected a black man that is fluid, i.e.:pansexual who selects a hetero/sis-gender black female for which the sexualy fluid black male decides to spring his sexual identity on the stright black female after he put a ring on it! Of course this news hits her with a bit of pause. She was not only faced with the actual news, but that her soon to be husband had time to be honest several times before his tearful exclamation at the resort. She tried to have a heartfelt conversation about the situation when he got in his feelings, telling her that other women haven't had issues with his sexuality, therefore why should she… and hey at least he was honest. GTFOOH.
Now having had the tough conversation, dude proceeds to not take rejection well. Not only did he call her a bitch, he also talked about how her unglued lace front wig had been sliding back on her head the entire time since their meeting. Yet, this was the same dude that got on one knee and asked for her hand in marriage. It all was so ratchet. Lets not sit and watch this and not think the producers/show runners/casting did not have knowledge of the sexuality issue prior to filming. Who’s idea was it to hold off on honest communication? Did they really cast two black males, one of which is fluid and expect whomever he was matched with to just be 100% cool with his past experiences and present fluidity? Then, the couples all meet on the beach for dinner not knowing they are all there at the same resort. Not once did the couples ask about the other two people’s whereabouts nor did show hostess Vanessa Lachey address it. Everyone knew they picked each other. At that point, the show seems beyond the fakery that the premise presents. What happened to the other man and the remaining four black women? Did they just not match or where the connections not cringe-worthy enough for “reality tv”? Sad that Netflix fell into the media bigotry that rejects images of healthy black on black love. The deck was stacked from the opening scene in the vein of The Hills or some other show where the participants drive up to the location looking optimistic yet lost and disingenuous,
Many relationships function on a level that isn't healthy for either partner, yet each person seems willing to hold onto the relationship at all costs. Their love for each other and desire to remain in the relationship is stronger than the problems they're going through.
This can be most often seen in cases of emotional blackmail. This is where one person behaves inappropriately within the relationship and then blames the other for the behavior. The partner receiving all the blame instantly feels guilty and inadequate and wants to try harder to please.
An example of this kind of behavior could be when a man goes out to pick up a one-night-stand and is caught red-handed. Instead of apologizing to his partner and begging for forgiveness, he'll immediately blame his partner for not being there for him and so he had to look elsewhere.
This makes the woman feel as though she's not good enough, or not doing something right, and she tries to make amends by being a better partner, all the time watching her self-esteem drop lower and lower as she believes she's not good enough to please her man.
BLENDED FAMILIES. Left 2011 with a bang to start off 2012. I would like to thank Mandy and Chris for letting me be their Officiant for their wedding. As a blended family, it was so moving to have the children of both the bride and grooms families to be apart of the wedding. For Mandy and Chris, I wrote a completely custom, religious ceremony that included, a pledge for the children of the family unit, vows from the parents to the children and a pray for the family as they joined in a circle holding hands. It was beautiful and heartfelt.
As a wedding is a serious commitment unto itself, the joining of children from different families makes that commitment very important to all concerned. If any of the children are older, well, we all have heard of pros and cons to the reactions of such unions. I suggest you don't force them to be apart of the ceremony if they are not interested or supportive of the new union. Yet, when all parties are committed, pass the Kleenex as it can be a real moving moment.
There are many ways to ensure that all the children of the couple feel cherished and included. Some parents write special, yet simple vows for the children that can be exchanged during the ceremony. Some give a gift like a necklace to the child(ren) during the ceremony like an exchange of rings between the couple. Some couples get engraved gold bands or bracelets and present then to the children. Gestures such as these will allow to child(ren) to feel included into the new family situation and remain in their hearts and minds for years to come.
There are additional ways to make children feel included. If making them apart of the "wedding party" is not an option, they can be given a special decorated seat to sit in during the ceremony. They could have special matching clothing, or a corsage or boutonniere to wear.
Regardless, to how or what you do to make the children of a new union feel special, make sure that they know they are loved from all the adults involved. Lastly, if there is an ex still in the picture and you all are supportive or at least civil, get that person to speak with the child(ren) and let them know that they support their involvement in the ceremony. No need to put quilt on a child for something that should be joyous.
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I am a woman, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a mother, an Integrative