As the intention of the heart is to keep it open, another is to draw healthy boundaries.
There is a story about a young woman whose Buddhist meditation master was teaching her about boundaries. Every day she would meditate on drawing loving-kindness into her heart. Each day when she left the meditation for the market she was greeted by the unwelcome advances of a merchant. Finally, one day she lost it! She was so mad she took her umbrella and chased the merchant down the street. While running, she notice her Buddhist master watching her. As she approached the master she was ashamed with her behavior. In the most calmest and gentle tone, he told her, " The next time something like this happens, fill your heart with as an much loving-kindness as you can and then take your umbrella and hit that rogue right over the head!"
There is a time, a moment that we must draw a line for the protection of our own energy. I am not saying you have to hurt someone's feeling as that doesn't bless them or our hearts. It is unhealthy for us and ultimately others, to not have healthy boundaries. We have to take time to recharge and nurture ourselves to be effective in fulfilling our mission.
A Rabbi once said, “A human being that does not have a single hour of his own every day is not human being at all.
You must take time for yourself. It is okay to set limits and say no, with loving-kindness.
Your physical relationship may have been hot and steamy before marriage, but now “life” has set in. You have gotten married, the baby is here and you feel as though your life is in a rut. You may be at home with baby all day and the last thing you really want is a grown man crawling all over you. He has dropped hint that you don’t seem the same and that he wants more alone time with you. You want the same thing too. You want the intimacy back that you and your mate once shared, but how do you get that back? You are tired at the end of the day, feeling as if you have given all you have to give, but in essence you just need a change in mindset.
Here are 10 easy changes you and your mate can start doing today to bring the spice back into your life together.
I am back with my 2017 MOTTO... "I AM PERFECTION PERSONIFIED!" See the graphic for more explanation. This is not in a braggadocious way. It is not just about what you do. It is who you are to your core, that probably effects what you do and how well you do it! IT SPEAKS TO YOUR CONFIDENCE. SO what is your PERFECTION PERSONIFICATION? If you can't answer this question, you don't own your PERFECT! WHY??? If you don't own it, no one is going to believe what you are "serving". Think about it and feel free to leave a comment.
Let me start by saying, congrats to his current baby momma, Brittany Bell. Nick reported a few days ago that Ms. Bell is 6 months pregnant. Children are a blessing regardless to the circumstances for which they were conceived. This is not an attack on Nick, but yet a reprimand on behavior.
Here is the lesson in all of this. Nick apparently did an interview with #ENews back in August. At which time they reported that he stated that, he has no intention of getting into another relationship ever again, because he is damaged goods. I can agree with part of that. YET, HELLO … NEW FLASH, sex with another person is a relationship. It’s called a “sexual relationship”, “a sex buddy”, “a fuck buddy”, “friends with benefits”, “sitting on the fence”, “rebound chick or dude” or even "one night stand”… did I miss any? Regardless, they are all forms of a relationship!
There are three things that I want you to be clear on regarding this topic.
There is an Allure.com article and video circulating about, Dispelling Beauty Myths: Aging with Grace and I am so there right now. By next week, I will be the big 5-0. Yep…Fabulous Fifty. The video touched on so many issues that I embrace and that impact my life at this time.
To start, I love what was said about being sexy and the attention that comes with it. I catch the eye of older men, but I get approached by much younger dudes. I learned to embrace being a Cougar or even a MILF. It is what it is and at the end of the day, it’s about how I feel at a given moment. I love my style and my curves with the knowledge that I have both to please myself and no one else and at any given time, I have the ability to change.
Since my mid 40’s and as I got closer to 50, my confidence as a woman and mother has increased which I believe adds to the sexy. With this growth, I have adopted my life philosophy. After being married, cheated on, divorced, and now single, I look at life as what I deserve and not just what I desire. Although, I cherish them while in the midst of things, I am no longer afraid of ending a relationship of any type. This light bulb realization helps me to live an unapologetically authentic life that’s on my own terms. Since I am comfortable in my current situation, I am free to date who I want, when I want. I decide at what level of intimacy is included with my relationships. In fact, my actions are even more thought out and deliberate.
Another aspect of my Aging with Grace is my ability to connect while being detached from permanence. A month after turning 49, I had a stroke. The very next day, I decided to release the stressors of my life. Apart of that is the knowledge that nothing is meant to last forever. This includes life, money, residences, friendships and love…nothing stays on this earth forever. Yesterday, out of the blue, my 80 something Mom, says she was having a conversation with her 80 something brother about how they are on borrowed time. I explained to my Mom, that we all are in the same position. We all have finite days in our physical bodies. Money is given, won earned, saved and spent, but at your last breath, you will probably not take it with you. Homes can be here today and gone tomorrow. Some friends lose connection and perhaps come back or not. People commit to marriage till death do they part and then divorce. Is this making sense? So when it is all said and done, I have learned to be removed from the “idea” of permanence because it all can be gone in a blink. We live in the duality of constant “here today and gone tomorrow”. So I live my life in the moment, while I plan for the uncertain future, which for me is way less stressful and way more fun. It brings peace to my life and ability to define my NO to get to my YES…with grace.
Sex toys are so common place nowadays. They have become a part of regular use, and/or an expansion on sex play and intimacy. In fact, sex toys have become so common, they are the topic or they have been integrated into some of the most watched TV programs. Shows such as Sex in the City, Frisky Business, Real Housewives and even Oprah have featured sex toys. But, what do you do when you don’t want to leave them behind during that next airline travel. These tips will help make sure you plan ahead and don’t miss out on your enjoyment while away from home.
Toy storage options: www.zenfullifelovin.com/category/874/Extras/Storage
Small toys for women: www.zenfullifelovin.com/category/8/Vibrators/Bullet-Vibrators
Small toys for men: www.zenfullifelovin.com/category/546/Mens-Toys/Masturbators/Masturbation-Sleeves
Make sure you subscribe to the NEWSLETTER. August recipients are getting a discount code for their next toy purchase.
Intimate travels to you.
I have the best job. No really, I have created a rewarding career that allows me to be authentic while helping others. I’m an Intimacy Empowerment Coach which as I define it, allows me to guide adults to define their NO to get to their YES, and that’s a wonderful thing. This is where freedom and peace of mind, body and spirit all hang out cohesively together.
Although, to go back to where it all began, I go to my becoming a Health and Wellness Coach and more important than the title is the R & D… you know, the research and development. By using integrative methodology, I again get to learn about, explore, correct and develop the mind, the body and the spirit and again, it’s A WONDERFUL THING. The human genome is an interdependent system to every other living thing on the planet. This means that I am like the 6 degrees of separation to my client’s issues as they are to the person next to them and so on and so forth. Yet, it is like being charged to hold the secrets, stories and lives of people within my being like attorney client privilege. To be one’s Confidant is a high charge for which I hold protected space.
Okay so, I did not know the man personally, but from back in the days of 1979 we would be forever connected. His first album in 1978 went under my radar, but after I Wanna Be Your Lover”, with the self titled album name and the picture of a fine ass dude with pressed out hair and flips, and let me not forget the lips; I WAS IN LOVE. Mind you, I was in middle school, but made it my mission to hear everything the man put out. Albums, 45s, it did not matter. Then when I got my portable cassette player, it was on!
Prince’s music was raw, gritty and nasty. It was all those things your parents warned you to stay away from, yet embrace because it was real funk and soul mixed with pop. Anytime he was on TV, I was glued. No need to call my house phone to tell me to turn on whatever channel, honey, I was already there. My crush was huge! The love grew stronger in 1982, at ISU, when Prince and The Time appeared in concert. I went with my best friend. We thought we were grown. We relived that night for months and months.
If your skin is in need of some revitalization, hemp oil is a definite “must try.” There are many benefits your skin will experience when you use hemp oil (which is extracted from the hemp plant). It is a natural oil and is quickly becoming a popular skin remedy, and there is no surprise why.
Benefits and Qualities of Hemp Oi:
Hemp oil has many amazing qualities that have helped propel it to the top of today’s skin-care regimes. Whether applied externally on the skin, or taken internally for long-term skin health, there is something for everyone with hemp oil. Hemp seeds give the highest quality oil, although oil can be extracted from the entire hemp plant. Hemp seeds contain 75-80% polyunsaturated fatty acids, with 9-11% saturated fatty acids. This is an extremely desirable ratio, as polyunsaturated fatty acids are the kind which we require, and are often found lacking in our modern diets.
Remedy for Dry Skin:
Hemp oil is greatly lubricating, and this is why it is a top skin moisturizer. Simply rub the hemp oil into dry, cracked skin for immediate relief. Do not keep your bottle of hemp oil in the bathroom, however, as it goes rancid quickly. Store it in a dark, cool place such as a refrigerator. Added to Skin Creams Although hemp oil can be used alone, it is a great addition to creams, lotions and other skin moisturizers. You can buy it already in the remedies, or add it to your favorite lotion. Simply squeeze the amount of hemp oil you desire into the other bottle, shake, and use normally.
Your Daily Dose of Hemp Oil:
Hemp oil is an oil which can be consumed. Hemp oil has a slightly nutty flavor and can be used when cooking with low heat. It is also a great addition to salad dressings, pesto, and hummus. In addition, it adds delicious depth to soups. Just be sure to add it to the soup after cooking is done, unless you are cooking the soup on a low temperature. Some of the vitamins in hemp oil include vitamins A, C, E and beta-carotene. It also contains calcium, magnesium, phosphorus, potassium and sulfur. And as mentioned above, its large amounts of polyunsaturated fatty acids make it a source of healthy fats for your skin, brain and entire body.
Benefits to Skin:
Your skin will thank you for putting hemp oil on your plate, and into your beauty routine. It is anti-inflammatory, which helps combat the devastation that inflammation can have on your skin’s appearance. Hemp oil reduces skin’s red appearance, assisting in giving you a moderate, healthy glow. Hemp oil doesn’t clog pores, unlike some other oils. It actually helps unclog them. It protects softness and elasticity in the skin, as well as protecting the skin’s water barrier. If you have eczema or psoriasis, hemp oil may be the answer you need to clear up these troublesome issues.
Hemp oil is not a fad that will come and go. It is an oil with many benefits that promises to have lasting success. If you are looking for a boost for the health of your skin, look no further than hemp oil.
Aromatherapy is a way to treat medical conditions in a natural and holistic way without introducing chemicals and drugs into the body. It involves using essential oils and aromatic essences of plants via the air to treat a person’s symptoms. When a person senses or smells certain things it evokes a specific reaction from excitement to relaxation, depending on the scent. The idea of aromatherapy was first thought of by a French perfumer and chemist named René-Maurice Gattefossé who wrote a book about it called “Gattefossé’s Aromatherapy,” in which he discusses the clinical findings about using smells to treat medical conditions in a natural and non-invasive way. Research has shown the effectiveness of aromatherapy for many conditions, even new hair growth. Other than the potential for allergic reactions in some individuals, using aromatherapy has been shown to be both effective and safe. Be aware of some types of aromatherapy that involve putting oils directly on the skin, as this might be more likely to cause bad reactions due to the strong oils. Real aromatherapy involves using the smells in the air and not directly on the skin. Different aromas are purported to treat different conditions:
* Sweet Basil – A sweet, spicy floral smell that is used to help treat fatigue and make you feel more energetic. If you’re often tired in the morning, try using a sweet basil-infused shampoo or soap.
* White Camphor – A smell that is often used in disinfectants due to the fresh odor can be used as a refreshing smell to help bring clear thoughts.
* Red Cedarwood – The smell is woody and warm which can help a person calm down and feel stronger. This is often used to treat anxiety and fear.
* Wild Chamomile – A very fresh, balsamic, sweet fragrance that makes a person feel calm and can help treat insomnia.
* Cinnamon – Everyone is familiar with the smell of cinnamon, but did you know that it can help wake you up and make you feel more invigorated also known to assist in healty blood sugar levels?
* Eucalyptus – This aroma is often used to treat common cold sinus symptoms and also freshen the air. The smell is unique and recognizable immediately.
* Ginger – One of the most spicy and woody odors that you can use to help warm your body and treat sinus headache. You can use ginger in a tea and actual ingest in small amounts.
* Lavender – Often used to calm anxiety and make people feel more relaxed. You’ll see this scent used a lot in night-time bath, lotion, and baby preparations.
* Lemon – If you are tired a lot and depressed, try using lemon oil to brighten up your day.
* Peppermint – This scent can be used to wake you up and give you more energy.
* Rosemary – This scent is strong and fresh and often thought to improve memory.
* Ylang Ylang - From flowers of the Cananga tree, this smells a lot like jasmine, and is often used to treat sexual dysfunction.
The aromas you use will depend on the issue you want to treat. The best way to be sure if you’re using the right combinations is to seek out a certified aroma therapy specialist who has been trained to provide the right guidance.
So many things. So little time.
Today, I have some quick things to share with you.
First, Zenful Life Living's focus is Body, Mind, and Spirit, not just sex. Okay, I know I talk a lot about it, but in a few days you will see why it is such a major topic and how it all ties together.
Second, I hope you caught the Superblood Mood Eclipse last night. It was beautiful. It also has great importance to you life. As a life force on the planet, you are connected to every other life force. Planets, people, animals, the tides... everything. The Moon came in last night under the Zodiac sign Aries which is actually the beginning of the Zodiac signs....WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN? Well grasshopper... it means now is YOUR TIME? It is time for new bold moves, the start of something for which the Universe has been waiting on just YOU for. YES... YOU! You are unique and different and no one else can do actually what you can do. The Aries Moon says, be bold, courageous and do it now!
Third. I seem to not have enough time nor organization to do everything the Universe is setting up for me to do. This is a real CHALLENGE for me. As a challenge, I want to conquer it. Now if I said it was a problem, I would want to get rid of it and stop doing it as quickly as possible. Big difference huh? Damn right! It is all about the conversation you have with yourself and what you put out into the Universe. NO more problems unless it is something or someone you want to get rid of like old dirty laundry. Work through your challenges and reach new heights.
I just had a birthday, and as I creep closer to 50, I have some realizations. These are 10 "UM!" things that came to me during this year.
When relationships begin, they're fun and exciting. You spend time together doing fun things and when your partner goes home or heads off to work, you get to spend some time on your own reflecting about how much fun you've had. You look forward to seeing each other again with a sense of anticipation and excitement.
All healthy relationships go through periods of highs and lows. When things are running high, everyone's happy. But when things are at a low point, one or both partners may begin to doubt their feelings.
You might start thinking this person might not be right for you because the feelings just aren't there today. Perhaps your partner seems distant and preoccupied and isn't showing the same level of interest in you today as in previous days.
Burn out can happen simply because you're both trying to sustain the high-intensity emotions for far too long. It could also mean you're spending all your time in each other's company with no chance to unwind and enjoy that sense of anticipation until you see each other again.
Many people are guilty of this early in a relationship. I call this The Newness. They forget to socialize with other friends. They give up their usual hobbies and interests so they can spend more time with their new-found love. While it's fun at first, it can also lead to feeling unfulfilled in other areas of your life.
Just because you're in a relationship, it's unrealistic to expect every other area of your life to stop. You also can't expect your partner to give up friends, hobbies or interests he or she had before they met you, unless they're detrimental to the relationship.
Nobody can feel ecstatically blissful 100% of the time, 24/7. It's exhausting and what I call, The Newness Wearing Off. So when those lulls or low-patches happen, don't take it personally. They're often a sign that you may need to spend some time doing something fun for yourself and re-energize that independent streak within you.
Not only will it give you and your partner time to miss each other, but you'll both be doing something you enjoy, which gives you something fun to talk about when you do see each other again.
Trying to beg your partner for an answer about why he or she is being distant today is likely to push them further away instead of bringing them closer. Everyone needs a little time alone to recharge and think, so allow your partner the courtesy of a little time when they need it. This will also give you time to get back in touch with yourself.
"MIC CHECK MIC CHECK"... stop and take a look at where you are. What is the story you are telling yourself about where you are vs where you want to be? How's that working for you? Are you telling yourself the same old tired excuses? Are you stuck back on the old story that got you where you are and now it is time to move forward with a new story? Is your relationship with yourself and others moving you forward or feeling like a noose around your neck? Is your sex life satisfying your current desires or is it back in the dark ages? Have you created a bond with a past wound because you have become comfortable with not risking change? What about your weight...Are you holding on to a comfort of the known as to the unknown? How do any of these things serve you are keep you playing small?
We carry all of our past experiences, relationships, culture...but those situations that were not positive, don't have to keep us stuck forever. YES, it will be there. It is a permanent part of your existence. SORRY. Someone else will tell you that you can just let it all go, but we are a sum total of our past. Your past is truly what has put you were you are now. Good, bad or indifferent. This makes you who you are. Yet, if your old story is holding you back, pick up a pen and write a new chapter to your story. As Glenda the Good Witch, "You have always had it". Then, remember, you don't have to write the end of your story just yet. You have the power to define YOUR OWN future.
OKAY... I would say this is for all Ladies, but if you have been married a long time, good luck with this. SO SINGLE LADIES, here we go. I can't leave the LADIES out, or I will hear someone scream foul. So my question is ARE YOU DOING TO MUCH? This is what I know for sure, and I can admit it is APART of what led to the demise of my own marriage. ARE you to independent? Men say they want independent women. They say they want a woman that has her own. To some extent that is true. BUT here is the catch. MEN WANT TO FEEL NEEDED. If you are so independent that he feels that you don't need him, he will not step up when you really want him to do so, or even worse, he will leave you for the "needy" chick that has figured how to balance her femininity with her independence. Men want to know that they are significant in your lives. If a man loves you, he wants to know that what brings you joy is due to his contribution. LASTLY, even though we wish men were intuitive and mind readers, THEY'RE NOT. If he is a good one and your expectations are in line with his goals, he will step up and hit a home run. So next time you want him to get off the sofa and get the groceries out of the car, carry in one bag and ask him to help you. Don't go dragging in two arm full of bags and expect him to care about you doing the job he wanted to do for you.
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This blog post is from a mini teleconference call I did. There were 5 people online, yet only 2 talking. Our conversation is about "Anitya" (in itch ya). This is a Sanskirt word meaning impermanence or temporary.
In this world, everything in the physical plane is temporary. It is only in our attachment to things that we make way for the joy or suffering that can come. Take a listen. Can you live with the thought that everything is temporary? How can this help you with your goals or relationships?
"I can't breathe", exclaimed Eric Garner, over and over again, until murdered. Below is my commentary of a Facebook post regarding Garner and "justice prevailing".
Tell me David, you as the father of a very young son and me the mother of a pre-teen young man, if your child gets "slain", what justice would be enough to prevail? As a mother, there is not moral rightness to justify the lawlessness that could pay for the life of my son. There is no fine, fee or sentence that could compensate for the life of a child born of parents, free from the beginning created by God. There is no Hell or high water that could administer a punishment great enough to level the neutrality of an immoral and unjust act. I think of the work I put in as a parent and then my son's commitment as an Honor Rolls student, Student Body President, community volunteer, child of the most high God, yet he is labeled a "black boy" mixed with the indigenous blood of these un-United States of America. I, his mother of a military father that served this country and all people in it in 2 branches of the Armed Forces, of both educated parents, who raised us up to fear and love God and respect others, I have had the guns of 6 (SIX!!!!!!!) police (yes all white), pointed at my face because I was the wrong color skin in the wrong color car in the wrong parking space on the wrong street at the wrong time of day that I owned, while minding my own got damn business! There is no justice that can every let me forget the feelings on that day. There is no justice that allows me to not fear for my son, as his mother in brown skin. And what would have been justice enough for my mother had just one bullet left the barrel of just one of the six guns back in 2001, while a young brown skin woman was killed just months prior, while sitting in her car holding a cell phone, as justice said he thought it was a gun. This is not an attack on you my brutha, yet a condemnation of the word justice in an unjust world.
May peace be with Garner's soul and with the spirits of his family.
Here are some alternatives to the hook up arranged by your mother or the blind double date of a friend. The great thing about dating in this day and age is the versatility and availability of methods to seek out your preferred type of person or activity. Dating can be confusing and frustrating, no matter what your situation. Here are some alternative dating ideas that may appeal to people who don't want to go down the traditional route of seeking a mate.
Singles bars have been around for a long time, and though they may not appeal to everyone they are ideal because everyone has the same goal in mind. You're all in the same boat, and it may not be subtle but it certainly is straightforward.
Speed dating gives you an even shorter time to make an impression. As an alternative dating technique, it can be a lot of fun. You sit opposite someone and each of you have a few minutes to tell the other about yourself. When the bell rings you move on to the next table, start at square one and repeat. If someone bores you to tears, your suffering is short-lived. At the end of the evening, you connect with those that tickled your fancy and go from there. If you didn't meet anyone you clicked with, there's no pressure and you can simply go home and attend the next session. This is becoming a very popular technique for singles, and even those who may mock it and perhaps go 'as a joke' or on a dare end up enjoying themselves.
Dating agencies have become quite popular in recent times. Professional people who lead busy lives like to use them. It's an alternative dating method that is not foolproof but it's somewhat safer, as all clients have gone through a filtering system. Many agencies utilize video dating, whereby the client makes a brief video of themselves and has access to other client videos for perusal. You don't have long to make an impression, so it's best to just be yourself. You want to come across as a genuine person, not a phony.
Many communities have singles groups that embark on fun activities together, and this is is a great alternative dating method. Events like biking, bowling, curling, movie nights, dancing and comedy clubs are organized by the singles group, and it allows an evenly-distributed group of participants to have a fun and casual night. With emphasis put on the activity itself instead of making a romantic connection, it takes a lot of pressure off the singles and attractions occur more naturally in this type of setting. Check for Meetups on-line for groups in your area. Personally, I like this casual way of meeting people; best.
Having the weekend to myself, I spent the day relaxing with a friend, while watching Netflix and studying my health coaching program. Yes, relaxation is good in and of itself and some would consider it a non activity, but when done in close contact to another person, there are profound chemical responses.
Your skin is your body's largest organ, and when its sensory receptors are stimulated, the hormone Oxytocin, the one that makes you feel good is released. At the same time, Cortisol, the stress hormone also involved with weight, glucose regulation and the regulation of blood pressure, is reduced. The power of touch also improves your immune system, and deepen your connection to another person even more so than sex.
So I recommend you make time, hours even to connect with another person through the power of even simple touch. Also, consider the next time you shake the hand of a child or old person that lives alone; hold their hand with both your hands as long as they are comfortable. Even though you will not see the effects of this connect, it is important and very present.
To begin where I left off, my doctor prescribed an antidepressant. I told my mother about it as I was alarmed by the list of possible effects of the medication. Here is a copy and paste from online. Get emergency medical help if you have any of these signs of an allergic reaction: skin rash or hives; difficulty breathing; swelling of your face, lips, tongue, or throat.
Report any new or worsening symptoms to your doctor, such as: mood or behavior changes, anxiety, panic attacks, trouble sleeping, or if you feel impulsive, irritable, agitated, hostile, aggressive, restless, hyperactive (mentally or physically), more depressed, or have thoughts about suicide or hurting yourself.
Call your doctor at once if you have:
I am a woman, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a mother, an Integrative